When it's time to change...

This one comes straight out of the 'keeping it real' file.

I did South Beach Diet for a while, but it's safe to assume I've fallen off that wagon.

I got tired of eating (and not eating) the same things all the time and I kept justifying my sneaks and treats. And, honestly, I bent the rules until they broke.

I'm not gaining any more weight, but I'm also not losing.

So, I figure I have two options:

1)Abandon SBD altogether and adhere strictly to a restricted-calorie diet.
2) Get back on the SBD wagon, starting with a 2-week Phase I "detox."

I'm trying to weigh my options pretty carefully (no pun intended).

I heard myself telling someone today that my change in lifestyle is about making choices and giving some things up to have other things. But I'm realistically starting to wonder what I'm giving up of late. It seems, more and more, like I've been justifying things more than giving them up.

As I see myself settling into a weight that is significantly higher than my goal weight, I know things have to change.

No. 3: A portrait of the artist as a young man by James Joyce

James Joyce's kinda sorta autobiography-disguided-as-a-novel comes in on our charts at number 3.

Stephen Dedalus wants to be an artist, but there's one BIG thing standing in his way: he's Catholic. And it's hard, in early 20th century Ireland, to be both Catholic and an artist. But Stephen? He's gonna make it after all.

This novel is told in 5 vignettes that stand together as a loosely linear narrative. My favorite vignette by far was the one where Stephen hears a hellfire-and-brimstone sermon and decides to repent of all his sins including but not limited to prostitute patronage.

I realize this all comes off as super glib, but I only kind of mean it that way. Because, while Portrait might be influential in the 20th century, there are far "better" books on this list. Or, perhaps, books I liked better.

The Modern Library Top 100 challenge

On the eve of my 30th birthday, I decided to start reading (or, in some cases, re-reading) the Top 100 novels of the 20th century as determined by the board of the Modern Library.

I'm not sure what prompted me to do this other than the fact that I have not read a lot of the classics. The idea of reading 20th century classics seemed appealing to me.

I usually don't break 50 novels a year, so I figure it'll take the first two years of my 30s to read all of these books.

I'm going to post my thoughts on each novel I read as well as keep track of what I've read in the sidebar.

You, yes you...

We are fixed
We are fixed
We are fixed right where we stand
--The view, Modest Mouse

I have lost 30 pounds in the last 9 months. I've also gained a lot of perspective on how little power we, as people, think we have.

Today, someone who hadn't seen me since April said "you've lost a lot of weight. You look great."

My initial reaction was to think about how to deflect that compliment.

I'm not at my goal weight. I haven't been eating the way I should lately. I haven't been running as often as I should lately. And I've been in the 150s since March.

Instead, as if outside of my own body, I said "Thanks! I've lost 30 pounds since September."

The person's reply? "I wish I could do that."

I immediately said, "if I can do it, you can too. I'm not doing anything special. I'm just eating less and exercising more."

If someone had said this to me ten months ago, I wouldn't have believed them. 'It's too hard to change habits,' I would've thought, 'and I totally don't have that kind of willpower.'

There are a lot of legitimate things that stand in people's ways. I get that.

But can I tell you a secret?

90% of the time, you do have what it takes to make the change in your life you're longing to make.

I was a couch potato; now I'm a runner. But it didn't happen overnight. I started and quit Couch to 5K more times than I can count before it stuck.

I used to be an emotional eater...and still am. But I've found some non-eating coping mechanisms that work for me, so I'm less likely to reach for a box of cereal when I'm sad/bored/lonely.

I used to eat whatever I wanted with no regard for portion sizes; now I measure my portion of cereal and make choices about what I'm willing to not eat (hello, croutons!) in exchange for what I refuse to give up (hello, red velvet cupcakes!).

The point is, you (yes...you) have everything you need inside of you to be the person you want to be.

Exchange my weight loss for the one thing in your life that you wish was different. And know it's true when I say, "if I can do it, you can too."

Love,
Mrs. Dude

Odds and ends

I am too lazy to compose an entire blog post about any one thing, but I've been itching to tell you some things.

Part the First: Things I am digging right now
1. Mass transit
2. Running
3. Smoothies made with cottage cheese, chocolate soy milk, no-sugar added chocolate milk mix, Splenda, and ice
4. Southern Vampire novels (aka the Sookie Stackhouse books)
5. Visiting the public library

Part the Second: Things I have done
1. Seen The Hold Steady in concert
2. Visited the Tower Grove farmers market
3. Gone to the movies (I saw Disney's Earth)
4. Watched Casino Royale and decided I like Daniel Craig as Bond
5. Eaten bacon-wrapped meatloaf at Schlafly's Taproom

Part the Third: How I intend to spend my Summer Vacation
1. Turn 30
2. Meetup with friends in Vegas
3. Go to Chicago for ALA's annual conference
4. Try my hand at container gardening
5. Run at least 1 5K

I think that about covers it for now.

A quote worth considering

"Our real blessings often appear to us in the shape of pains, losses, and disappointments, but let us have patience and we shall soon see them in their proper figures."
--Joseph Addison

I was going to write some awesomely lofty blog post about how I have tried really hard to see pain as a blessing.

But the truth is, I rarely do. I am the Queen of Doom and Gloom. When things are going even the tiniest bit wrong, I freak out and adopt this annoying sky-is-falling attitude. And only later, in the safety of a storm that has just passed, do I see the lessons embedded in the tumult.

So in the interest of keeping it real, I'm not going to editorialize more than I already have. I'm just going to leave this simple thought for you to consider.

Perfect fifths by Megan McCafferty: a review in verse

Marcus Flutie's Lloyd
Dobbler-esque charm is
Not enough, sadly.

Which is not to say
that I didn't enjoy his turn
at speaking his peace.

But that stories left
untold are often the best
gift an author gives.