When it's time to change...

This one comes straight out of the 'keeping it real' file.

I did South Beach Diet for a while, but it's safe to assume I've fallen off that wagon.

I got tired of eating (and not eating) the same things all the time and I kept justifying my sneaks and treats. And, honestly, I bent the rules until they broke.

I'm not gaining any more weight, but I'm also not losing.

So, I figure I have two options:

1)Abandon SBD altogether and adhere strictly to a restricted-calorie diet.
2) Get back on the SBD wagon, starting with a 2-week Phase I "detox."

I'm trying to weigh my options pretty carefully (no pun intended).

I heard myself telling someone today that my change in lifestyle is about making choices and giving some things up to have other things. But I'm realistically starting to wonder what I'm giving up of late. It seems, more and more, like I've been justifying things more than giving them up.

As I see myself settling into a weight that is significantly higher than my goal weight, I know things have to change.

No. 3: A portrait of the artist as a young man by James Joyce

James Joyce's kinda sorta autobiography-disguided-as-a-novel comes in on our charts at number 3.

Stephen Dedalus wants to be an artist, but there's one BIG thing standing in his way: he's Catholic. And it's hard, in early 20th century Ireland, to be both Catholic and an artist. But Stephen? He's gonna make it after all.

This novel is told in 5 vignettes that stand together as a loosely linear narrative. My favorite vignette by far was the one where Stephen hears a hellfire-and-brimstone sermon and decides to repent of all his sins including but not limited to prostitute patronage.

I realize this all comes off as super glib, but I only kind of mean it that way. Because, while Portrait might be influential in the 20th century, there are far "better" books on this list. Or, perhaps, books I liked better.

The Modern Library Top 100 challenge

On the eve of my 30th birthday, I decided to start reading (or, in some cases, re-reading) the Top 100 novels of the 20th century as determined by the board of the Modern Library.

I'm not sure what prompted me to do this other than the fact that I have not read a lot of the classics. The idea of reading 20th century classics seemed appealing to me.

I usually don't break 50 novels a year, so I figure it'll take the first two years of my 30s to read all of these books.

I'm going to post my thoughts on each novel I read as well as keep track of what I've read in the sidebar.

You, yes you...

We are fixed
We are fixed
We are fixed right where we stand
--The view, Modest Mouse

I have lost 30 pounds in the last 9 months. I've also gained a lot of perspective on how little power we, as people, think we have.

Today, someone who hadn't seen me since April said "you've lost a lot of weight. You look great."

My initial reaction was to think about how to deflect that compliment.

I'm not at my goal weight. I haven't been eating the way I should lately. I haven't been running as often as I should lately. And I've been in the 150s since March.

Instead, as if outside of my own body, I said "Thanks! I've lost 30 pounds since September."

The person's reply? "I wish I could do that."

I immediately said, "if I can do it, you can too. I'm not doing anything special. I'm just eating less and exercising more."

If someone had said this to me ten months ago, I wouldn't have believed them. 'It's too hard to change habits,' I would've thought, 'and I totally don't have that kind of willpower.'

There are a lot of legitimate things that stand in people's ways. I get that.

But can I tell you a secret?

90% of the time, you do have what it takes to make the change in your life you're longing to make.

I was a couch potato; now I'm a runner. But it didn't happen overnight. I started and quit Couch to 5K more times than I can count before it stuck.

I used to be an emotional eater...and still am. But I've found some non-eating coping mechanisms that work for me, so I'm less likely to reach for a box of cereal when I'm sad/bored/lonely.

I used to eat whatever I wanted with no regard for portion sizes; now I measure my portion of cereal and make choices about what I'm willing to not eat (hello, croutons!) in exchange for what I refuse to give up (hello, red velvet cupcakes!).

The point is, you (yes...you) have everything you need inside of you to be the person you want to be.

Exchange my weight loss for the one thing in your life that you wish was different. And know it's true when I say, "if I can do it, you can too."

Love,
Mrs. Dude